Let That Fantasy Go! Reassess & Pivot, Queen!

Sometimes the hardest thing to let go of isn’t a person, a job, or even a situation.

It’s the fantasy. Sometimes, moving forward means giving yourself permission to reassess and pivot.

The picture you created in your head of how your life was supposed to look. The career you were supposed to have by now. The relationship that was supposed to work. The house. The marriage. The family. The timeline.

And if you’re anything like me, when reality doesn’t match that picture, it can feel a whole lot like failure.

I’ve noticed this pattern in myself. When I feel like I’ve failed at a dream or a goal, there’s always this period of sadness that follows. Sometimes it’s disappointment. Sometimes it’s full blown depression.

I’m not just dealing with what actually happened, I’m mourning everything I imagined would happen.

One of the fantasies I recently had to grieve was what my family would look like.

I imagined my son growing up with his mom and dad together, under the same roof. When I realized that wasn’t going to be our story, I felt like I had failed him.

That shit hurt!

Regardless of whether staying together was actually the healthiest choice, I had attached this specific image of a family to being a “good mother.” And suddenly, my reality didn’t look like the picture.

But after giving myself time to grieve, cry, be angry, be disappointed, and pull myself together, I had to reassess.

Would my son really be better off simply because his mother and father shared an address? Or would he be better off with a happy mother and a happy father even if that means two separate homes?

That changed everything for me.

My son can still experience love. He can still experience family. He can still be happy, secure, supported, and surrounded by people who love him deeply.

And who knows what the future holds? My family may not look like the picture I originally painted, but that doesn’t mean it can’t become something just as beautiful.

Sometimes the dream wasn’t wrong. The blueprint was.

And I think that’s where we get stuck. We become so attached to how something is supposed to happen that when life takes another route, we assume we’ve lost the destination altogether.

But you didn’t.

Keep in mind, you are allowed to grieve the original plan. Please do!

Give yourself an hour. Give yourself a day. Sometimes you might even need three.

Cry about it. Be upset. Lay dramatically across the bed and stare at the ceiling. Call your friend and say the same thing seventeen different ways. Mourn it properly.

But once your allotted grieving time is up…

GET UP, GIRL!

Grieving is where you honor what you wanted. Pivoting is where you decide what happens next.

A pivot doesn’t mean throwing the whole dream away. It means looking at what’s actually in front of you instead of continuing to chase what you thought should be there.

That’s what I had to do with my family. I couldn’t give my son the exact family structure I had imagined, so I stopped measuring myself against that picture.

I shifted my focus to what I could give him, two parents who had the opportunity to be happier, healthier, and better for him. Even if we had to do that separately.

That is the pivot.

Reassess and Pivot: Take the heart of the dream with you and be willing to change the route.

Ask yourself what was I really trying to create?

Love? Stability? Success? Peace? Security? A sense of belonging?

Okay, Queen! That part of the dream can remain.

Now release your attachment to exactly how you thought you were going to get there.

Choosing to reassess and pivot is not the same as giving up. Changing direction doesn’t automatically mean you failed. Sometimes you learned more. Sometimes you changed. Sometimes life changed. And sometimes the fantasy simply needs an update.

So grieve the old dream. Thank her for giving you something to believe in.

Then let that fantasy go.

Reassess.

Pivot.

And keep it pushing, Queen.

Own Your Peace